


942 KM

by exouniversity



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, EXOUNI16, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 10:32:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8202208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exouniversity/pseuds/exouniversity
Summary: Somewhere between music sheets and old dusty literature books, Kyungsoo's new roommate, Baekhyun, happens to be his high school ex who never got around to explaining why he disappeared so suddenly.Written by mainvocalists (LJ)





	

Prompt #: 11  
Title: 942 KM  
Rating: NC17  
Pairing: Baekhyun/Kyungsoo  
Summary: Somewhere between music sheets and old dusty literature books, Kyungsoo's new roommate, Baekhyun, happens to be his high school ex who never got around to explaining why he disappeared so suddenly.  
Word Count: 18377 W  
Warnings: pining. Lots of pining from both ends lol.  
Author Note(s): First and foremost, thanks to the mods who made all this possible! <3 Thanks to my prompter for giving such a wonderful prompt, I hope I did it justice. Ngl, this is v poorly edited my eyes always tend to skip over mistakes for some reason but I hope you overlook them and enjoy! Happy reading! P.s I would recommend listening to Dean – D (Half Moon) while reading this :0 I wrote this while listening to this song and I feel like it fits the mood!

 

Kyungsoo doesn't really expect his third year of university to be different from his second, or even his first. As he walks around campus, he’s greeted with the faces of giddy freshmen (hard to imagine he was once a part of that, university is nowhere near exciting) and mopey seniors dreading their futures, dreading that their youth might be coming to an end too soon, dreading the possibility of taking the wrong path to tomorrows that couldn't come any faster, just dreading really.

In a way, Kyungsoo is having similar feelings. An ache so hollow in the pit of his stomach. A lightly burning inferno so deep in his core, it shakes and sets him ablaze ever so slightly from the inside. He’s gripping the key to his room so tightly, a gnawing reminder about who he’ll be sharing his small dorm room with for the rest of his year.

Byun Baekhyun.

The name itself brings a new type of unconsolable distress, the kind that is just downright sad but subdued. Kyungsoo feels a sense of yearning and not surprisingly, he's pining for the past, wishing, with every fibre of his being, that something akin to a time eraser would change everything, and anything that ever happened between him and Baekhyun.

His shuts his eyes and clenches the key between his fingers just a bit harder, and behind his eyes, an image of Baekhyun, an oh so smiley Baekhyun, flashes.

Baekhyun is in his high school uniform, the first buttons on his plain white shirt undone and he's the epitome of carefree, a grin so wide and a high flush on his cheeks. Kyungsoo still remembers the crinkles next to Baekhyun’s eyes when he smiles. The sound of his laugh reverberating through Kyungsoo’s head and he almost brings his hands to his ears, as if it would stop the sound that was once so melodious to him, a sound he treasured so greatly and locked away in his heart for what was seemingly eternity. There's a sharp pang to Kyungsoo’s chest and the hollow ache he felt before suddenly isn't so hollow anymore. An ice cold pit replaces his stomach and the bitterly cold ring to it all brings a shiver to spine.

He exhales a shaky breath and blinks once, twice, and a last third time. Kyungsoo shouldn't look like this when he sees Baekhyun for the first time in 4 years, he shouldn't look like the mess he initially was when he was greeted with the “For Sale” sign on Baekhyun’s yard. He’s supposed to look collected and friendly, because no matter how he feels about it, Baekhyun’s going to be Kyungsoo’s roommate for at least a semester. It’s too late to change rooming arrangements so he just has to try his best suck it up.

By the time Kyungsoo finishes his internal monologue, it looks like his legs have wandered by themselves and carried him to his dorm building. Before he knows it, he’s stepping into the building, limbs heavy with, you guessed it, dread.

\---

Kyungsoo walks the hallways of his floor and each step closer to his room gets becomes more difficult. When he reaches his room, he's surprised to find the door unlocked and open just slightly. Kyungsoo sighs at that — a problem he's probably going to deal with for a while probably. Kyungsoo inhales, counts one, two, three and exhales deeply. He puts on the widest smile he could muster while trying to mentally prepare himself to see Baekhyun.

(There's really no use to be mentally preparing himself, though. It's going to be hard to see the man he's loved for the past 4 years no matter how much “preparation” he does.)

His hand goes into contact with the doorknob and he twists. The creaking of the door is an old, comforting sound and sorta it's a veiled sign that no matter what happens, there will be some things will always be the same.

The door swings wide open, Kyungsoo is stepping into the room and it feels like entering a new world, a completely different dimension. He expects Baekhyun to be in the middle of their room, a greeting hanging off his lips. Something along the lines of, “Hello, Kyungsoo! I'm sorry I left to Japan without notice when we were dating! You can kick my ass and then we can live happily ever after in this dorm that's always smelling like Chanyeol’s farts. Hope you can forgive me.” 

But Baekhyun doesn't say that (what a shame), because Baekhyun isn't in the small living room. For the first time, Kyungsoo is thankful for the paper thin walls because he can hear the pitter patter sound of the shower. Kyungsoo sighs in relief, thankful their greetings have been postponed.

But wait.

If Kyungsoo waits for Baekhyun to come out of the shower, then he's gonna have to see him in his half naked (possibly naked) glory, and that absolutely cannot happen. He’s also absolutely not thinking of Baekhyun’s wet baby hairs sticking to his forehead and the ruby that dusts his cheeks when the water’s too hot. Nope. Never. He has better things to think about, duh.

Stopping his totally inexistent “Wet Baekhyun” train of thoughts, he looks around the small semi-apartment. He's always appreciated the fact that their dorm rooms are a bit more on the spacious side. He walks around the living room/dining area, the sound of his own shuffling feet against the wooden tiles bring him the same type of solace the creaking door bring him and he really craves that type of comfort right now. He notices the cardboard boxes that probably hold all of Baekhyun’s belongings and snorts.

One of those boxes probably contain his broken heart.

(Excuse his internal monologue, as a literature major, it's his job to be overly dramatic.)

Oh well. He doesn't dwell on it too much but his eyes stop looking around when they catch sight of a paper, seemingly illuminated by the soft thread of light entering from the window. And it's not just any paper, it's Baekhyun’s schedule!

Kyungsoo inspects it and this could be it! The key to solve all his internal monologues and problems because with this, he can see when Baekhyun has classes and can avoid him accordingly! It's perfect and his life will be so much simpler, thanks to this piece of dead tree!

He could spend the time when Baekhyun has classes at Chanyeol's place and he can come back when Baekhyun has classes. His plan is amazing, perfect and his professor would probably murder him if he found out Kyungsoo couldn't find any better adjectives. He quickly snaps a picture of the schedule, stalks to his room and grabs the nearest duffle bag, stuffs it with clothes and promptly runs out the apartment.

All is well in Kyungsoo’s life. 

Only for a week though.

Because a week later, he's back to his room to get a refill of clothes. (Walking around in Chanyeol's clothes was extremely inconvenient and Kyungsoo decides he deserves long limbs too.)

He's almost done, just zipping up the bag but he can not, for the love of him, find his pororo underwear. It sucks because he can't find them anywhere and they're his favourite pair and he's had them for so long, he can't just possibly lose them and oh, there's Baekhyun holding his pororo underwear high in air.

Baekhyun is holding his underwear high in the air. Not just any underwear, his pororo underwear.

Kyungsoo blinks once, maybe twice, okay, 3 times before he realises what's really going on and promptly screeches. (In his head, he can't have the first thing Baekhyun hears from him be a hyena squawk.)

Byun Baekhyun, ex boyfriend extraordinaire who's Kyungsoo is supposed to be hiding from, is holding his pororo underwear. 

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

Goodbye sweet, sweet world because Kyungsoo's officially about to hire a hitman to just kill him. The hitman will look him in the eyes and whisper, “Baekhyun and that pororo underwear,” before pushing him off a cliff. Kyungsoo’s last words will be “I should've watched tennis prince subbed.”

Kyungsoo blinks once more when Baekhyun breaks the silence with, “Looking for something?” The bastard even has the audacity to twist the underwear around his long, slender fingers that Kyungsoo absolutely has exactly 0 wet dreams about.

This time Kyungsoo lets out an indignant squawk because the way Baekhyun’s twisting his precious undies could replace a ceiling fan. Kyungsoo doesn't even know how he mustered up the courage to stomp up to Baekhyun with a huff, but he did it and with his finger seemingly on fire, he snatches his boxers away from Baekhyun.

Baekhyun, being the asshole he is, only whistles and says, “Easy, tiger.” And in that moment, Kyungsoo is pretty sure all tigers became extinct.

Kyungsoo walks back to his duffle bag and turns around so his back is facing Baekhyun. This shouldn't be how they reunite no, no, no, no.

Kyungsoo hears Baekhyun gulp down and he asks, “You going somewhere with that?” And suddenly all the chances of a playful atmosphere is thrown at the window because Baekhyun, who always knows how the gears in Kyungsoo's head run, probably knows exactly what Kyungsoo's doing to avoid him.

Kyungsoo stuffs his underwear in silence before turning around once again to face Baekhyun and it's awkward to say the least. They stare at each other for a few moments, Kyungsoo staring at his feet in silence while Baekhyun opens his mouth repeatedly, trying to find the words to say.

Kyungsoo, who seems to be really interested in that cranberry juice stain on the pristine wooden tiles of their room, is shocked because Baekhyun is silent and he usually never stops talking.

“Ah, that's a nice thing to say about someone, Soo,” and fuck Kyungsoo thinks, he said that about Baekhyun out loud. There's a smile laced in Baekhyun’s words and Kyungsoo curses himself out for several reasons. One of the reasons being how much he missed Baekhyun’s voice and how reassuring it is to finally to have the other boy I'm his vicinity again. 

The other reason he curses himself out is the way his heart is beating so loudly, his chest aches and he's sorta embarrassed Baekhyun might be able to hear how fast his pulse is — because after all these years Baekhyun still calls him Soo.

Kyungsoo clenches his eyes shut and swallows deeply, adam’s apple bobbing and only looks up to quickly glance at the door behind Baekhyun, making sure his eyes don't ever meet Baekhyun’s.

Baekhyun doesn't need to follow Kyungsoo's eyes to know where he had looked for a brief moment — he isn't dense to the point where he wouldn't acknowledge the hidden statement behind Kyungsoo looking at the door.

Kyungsoo shifts his eyes to sneak a glance at Baekhyun and he shouldn't feel upset that Baekhyun isn't looking at him anymore, instead his eyes focus on the spot above Kyungsoo's head. Kyungsoo pretends he doesn't see the twinge of hurt that crosses Baekhyun’s eyes for a moment, Kyungsoo’s actions of wanting “out” obviously being hurtful and just as fast as that flash of hurt appears, it goes away. It's replaced with a twinkle that Kyungsoo has become far too familiar with, but somehow, it looks dull.

He needs to try to fix them or else it'll be 3 months of hell with tension in the air that could be cut by butter knives. Kyungsoo will try to oil the really rusty chains between him and Baekhyun, just for “being roomies” sake and he plasters on the fakest smile to ever grace planet earth. He pretty sure it comes out more as a grimace and cringes at what he imagines his face looks like.

(He cringes once more at the possibility of Baekhyun knowing that he's actually falsely smiling. It brings him back to a time when Baekhyun could always read him like an open book, even with how veiled his emotions were. But then again, Baekhyun hasn't seen him in a long time. For all Kyungsoo knows, Baekhyun could have lost all the will that drives him to want to translate the way Kyungsoo talks with his eyes or hands to a language he can comprehend.)

“What's with that smile, Soo?” And thankfully, maybe not so thankfully, Baekhyun could still read him and Kyungsoo’s grateful he's not a dead language in Baekhyun’s life. But that means, Baekhyun still cares about him, to some extent and that can’t happen. His thoughts are cut off when he sees Baekhyun smiling once more, and oh god, Kyungsoo missed seeing that smile so much and Baekhyun is just pure beauty condensed into a person and he really shouldn't feel this way.

 

Kyungsoo doesn't notice Baekhyun walking towards him and by the time he finishes contemplating the amount of time God has spent on Baekhyun’s smile only, the tips of Baekhyun’s toes are touching his.

Kyungsoo wants to literally fucking hurl because he had only dreamt about Baekhyun this close to after so long and having him so near is so overwhelming. Baekhyun’s still wearing that same cologne he wore in highschool and the scent of burnt coffee, rainy sundays and lightning take Kyungsoo way, way back and he really just can't have Baekhyun this close to him or he's gonna pass out.

Kyungsoo does what he does best and runs away. Not literally though, he takes a step back and Baekhyun seems to catch the fucking hint because he stops inching closer. Kyungsoo feels the only slightest bit of guilt at how Baekhyun’s smile slightly falters. Now, Baekhyun's arms are wide open, inviting him in for a hug and Kyungsoo, so badly, wants to walk right into them and just take in Baekhyun's presence.

But he doesn't.

He can't.

Because Baekhyun left him and if he really expects Kyungsoo to hop right in then he's absolutely wrong. Instead, he takes a hand from one Baekhyun’s extended arms and shakes it slowly, head turned to the left while his other arm holds on to his duffle bag for dear life because he's so close to passing out.

Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo with a gaping mouth, because as far as he knows, Kyungsoo never rejects his hugs no matter how bad things got between them.

(Countless memories of almost every argument he's had with Kyungsoo in high school are swirling in his mind. He cannot recollect one where Kyungsoo says no to his hugs, even that one time Baekhyun ate the expensive cooking chocolate Kyungsoo had ordered all the way from Switzerland.)

This time, it's Baekhyun’s thoughts that are cut off because Kyungsoo's saying, “Well then, it was nice seeing you again, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo stutters around his name, tongue not quite used to rolling the syllables again and Kyungsoo still can't quite look at Baekhyun in the eyes.

So Kyungsoo just looks anywhere he can and his eyes land on mole above Baekhyun’s lips. This isn't very good because he’s suddenly remembering a time where he was able to walk up to Baekhyun and just press a kiss right there and he wonders if he’ll ever be able to do it again.

Kyungsoo swallows, he needs some closure to this meeting so he blurts out the first thing in his head “I need to go now, my friend needs his clothes back,” he swings around his unoccupied hand to show off a sleeve too long, it just covers his fingers. (He mentally grumbles about Chanyeol’s oversized sweaters.)

“See ya!” And Kyungsoo shoulders away from Baekhyun and tries his hardest to just zoom away, sonic the hedgehog style out of the room (curse his short stubby legs!)

He thinks he makes it safely out, no qualms between him and Baekhyun, until Baekhyun opens his mouth and says “Kyungsoo,”

Kyungsoo’s hands that are halfway through twisting the doorknob stop and Baekhyun’s voice is different. It's serious and it's nothing like it was a few moments ago and Kyungsoo has seriously missed the way his name sounds on Baekhyun’s lips.

He's sure Baekhyun heard the hitch of Kyungsoo’s breath so Kyungsoo turns his head back and is greeted with the view of Baekhyun’s back, hunched.

Baekhyun, who always walks so proudly with his head held up and shoulders back, was hunching his back in what looks like defeat and that subdued sadness Kyungsoo felt earlier came back. He never wants to see Baekhyun like this.

 

“Just remember this is your home, too. I-” Kyungsoo hears him take a deep breath before he continues, albeit a bit more confidently this time, “I would love to see you around here more often.”

\---

It's exactly 08:41 when Chanyeol barges into their campus’ coffee shop with Kyungsoo towing right behind him. Kyungsoo's eyebrow is cocked in irritation and he wonders how Chanyeol could have so much energy when it's this early in the morning. He feels worst for the poor guy taking Chanyeol’s order, obviously not prepared for the ball of energy that is Chanyeol.

Chanyeol's about to pay when Kyungsoo hears his name being called out, “Kyungsoo! Do you want anything?”

Kyungsoo thinks about it for a moment, he really couldn't get a good night sleep yesterday because as barf inducing it sounds, he's been thinking of Baekhyun. How Baekhyun looked so defeated when Kyungsoo rejected his hug and how he had asked Kyungsoo to be a more constant presence in the apartment. 

He already knows his eyes are going to get droopier as he walks to class and enter the lecture hall so a bit of caffeine would do him good.

“Uh, yeah. Black coffee, please,” Kyungsoo hears Chanyeol mumble a “got it” before placing his order. Kyungsoo decides to get comfortable on the cushiony seat while waiting for Chanyeol and decides to use his phone. His mind still has traces of the small talk he's had with Baekhyun and he decides to open the photo gallery in his phone.

With a heavy chest, he scrolls all the way to the beginning of his photos and hesitantly clicks on the first ever photo on this phone. It's a picture Baekhyun took of them, Baekhyun’s tongue poking out as he holds a peace sign and Kyungsoo, too, is holding up a peace sign with a small smile. His hair was so much longer back then and he brings a hand to his hair, just so he can feel the cropped black threads through his fingers.

As pathetic as it sounds, all this time he really couldn't bear to delete this picture in particular. Not only that, but every time he would update his phone, he would transfer this photo to that new gadget. Kyungsoo pities himself because how could he be so hung up on a person that just walked away from his life?

He deserves better than that and he knows it but Baekhyun is just so special. Whether it was the twinkle in his eyes when he smiles, or the song from his childhood he would him hum when washing Kyungsoo’s hair, his presence in Kyungsoo’s life is something irreplaceable. He finds himself staring at the picture just a bit more, to appreciate the small details. How Baekhyun’s arm is looped around his shoulder (Kyungsoo could almost feel the warmth radiating off it), the pitch black of “high school version” Baekhyun hair a soft contrast against his current light brown and the matching hickies they gave each other on their right collarbones. He's almost got this photo memorised and he remembers the day they took this so vividly—

Kyungsoo is startled when Chanyeol sets down their coffees on the table and Kyungsoo locks his phone so quick, Chanyeol just has to narrow his eyes questioningly.

“Tell me you weren't watching porn in a public area.” Chanyeol's eyes are still narrowed and he's holding onto Kyungsoo’s coffee and whether he gives Kyungsoo his coffee or not is completely determined by his next answer.

“Jesus christ, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo scrunches his face in distaste. He could barely watch porn when he's alone at home and Chanyeol really expects him to watch it here? Of all places?

Chanyeol finally gives him his coffee and then he's raising his hands in defeat, “Hey, you always gotta be aware of your surroundings.” He finishes his sentence with an obnoxiously loud slurp of his ridiculously whip creamed drink.

“That has to be 98 percent caramel and whipped caramel. No sign of coffee anywhere.” Kyungsoo’s eyes are locked on the caramel bedazzled whipped cream, looking like soft threads of gold against the pristine white. His face is once again scrunched in distaste because how could someone tolerate such a high sugar intake so early in the morning. 

“Some of us like to live a little more dangerously than all black coffee.” Chanyeol makes a face as he says black coffee and this time it's Kyungsoo's slurping obnoxiously, just to see Chanyeol’s shrink in on himself in disdain. It leaves Kyungsoo smiling against his cup.

“Fucking sadist.” Chanyeol grumbles and Kyungsoo’s smile stretches across his face a bit wider. Just a bit.

“You started this!” Kyungsoo points an accusing finger at Chanyeol and Chanyeol just rolls his eyes in defeat.

They drink their coffees in a comfortable silence, both looking out the window and they watch how people slowly start fill the campus area. He feels Chanyeol nudge his calf with his foot and Kyungsoo snaps his eyes up to meet Chanyeol's.

“What?” It comes out flatter than he intended and Chanyeol thinks he promptly sounds dead. “How is your roommate reacting to you talking like that?”

And ugh — the last thing Kyungsoo needs is to talk about Baekhyun as if he hasn't left his head the whole time he was here.

“Uh, I don't really talk to my roommate,” Kyungsoo averts his eyes and take a sip of his coffee, just to give Chanyeol some time to reply.

“No wonder, considering you’re always at my place,” Chanyeol turns his face and looks at Kyungsoo from the corner of his eye.

“Did you guys even introduce yourselves to each other?”

Kyungsoo doesn't bother to hide his groan at that. How does he tell his current best friend that his high school ex is back to room with him? He met Chanyeol his freshmen year of university and Baekhyun was supposed to be a forgotten object of his past, so he hasn't really bothered to mention Baekhyun.

Chanyeol only knows Baekhyun as a nameless and faceless guy who probably ruined all chances of future relationships for Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo cheers his friend on for dissing his ex. 

“Yeah, we did.” Kyungsoo breathes out.

“And?” Chanyeol urges Kyungsoo to continue.

“And that's it.” Kyungsoo looks down at his coffee.

“Kyungsoo, you can’t do this.” Kyungsoo frowns at that. He can do whatever he wants.

“By the looks of it, you're avoiding him and that's not good news. Especially since you're living with the guy.” Kyungsoo doesn't think it's that simple, to just suddenly become friends with Baekhyun and forget everything that has happened between them. It hurts to forget everything that has happened between them.

“It's not that easy, Chanyeol. We're not all social butterflies like some people here.” Kyungsoo grumbles and his hands are shaking just the slightest. Chanyeol sees Kyungsoo shrinking in on himself, holding his cup with both hands and bringing it right under his lips.

“Just try, okay? You don't even need to be friends with the guy.” Chanyeol looks at Kyungsoo to make sure the latter isn't drowning in a sea of thoughts. “You can just make sure everything is sailing smoothly between you two.” At that, Chanyeol gets up to throw away his cup and on his way, ruffles Kyungsoo’s hair.

Things are probably never going to sail smoothly between them but Kyungsoo can always at least try to drift with the direction of the wind.

\---

Chanyeol’s words ring in Kyungsoo’s head and he realises that, for the first time, Chanyeol is probably correct about something. Kyungsoo doesn't have to go back to being the love struck boy he was in high school instead, he could just keep a professional demeanor in front of Baekhyun — like a coworker!

So, Kyungsoo takes his belongings that were left at Chanyeol’s apartment and goes back to his own dorm room with determination hanging off every footstep.

Kyungsoo’s just lounging around in a pair of (booty) shorts and an oversized sweatshirt because he's done with all his classes. He feels like his eyes could breathe because his contacts are finally out of them, and it's much more comfortable like this. His specs rest on the bridge of his nose and they fog up as a result of the steam rising from the pot of jasmine tea he's making.

Kyungsoo hums the tune Chanyeol made him listen to as he grabs a cup and when he hears the click of a door unlocking, his humming stutters. Shuffling footsteps have his heartbeat quickening and from the corner of his eye, he could see a mop of curly brown hair. His fingers are trembling once more and he's kinda scared he’ll drop his favourite cup.

Baekhyun’s home.

The footsteps grow louder and louder. They pause when Kyungsoo hears a low thud, evident Gravity has done its job when Baekhyun sets his bag down. The footsteps continue and Kyungsoo’s chest feels like it's about to burst because oh god, Baekhyun’s about to walk into the kitchen in three, two, one—

“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun sounds out of breath, in the pleased, relieved kind of way. Kyungsoo can hear rather than see the grin on Baekhyun’s face and goddammit, can Baekhyun be not happy to see him for once? “You're here!”

“Baekhyun, I see you're home.” Kyungsoo's answer is short and curt (like a coworker!) and he doesn't bother to turn around to inspect Baekhyun. He doesn't bother to see if he's wearing that horrendous green sweater he’s had for years, to see if his fingers still drum over his thighs when he's talking to Kyungsoo, to really just look at Baekhyun. He doesn't bother to do any of that, even if his body is just itching to turn around and take in all of Baekhyun, to take a mental picture and keep it in the back of his mind for all of eternity and maybe even longer. 

“Yeah, it's good to see you here!” Kyungsoo is so close to pouring that hot pot of jasmine tea into his ears because if he does that, then he won't get to hear Baekhyun going off about how happy he is to see Kyungsoo. He wants to ask Baekhyun if it's so good to see him then why’d he just leave, change his number and not bother talking to Kyungsoo anymore? Why’d he ignore all of Kyungsoo’s mails and Skype calls and even letters if he really thinks it's good to see Kyungsoo?

“Doubt it.” Kyungsoo mumbles and he can almost see Baekhyun’s ears perking up when he says, “I can't hear you.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes go wide because he's supposed to be on friendly terms with Baekhyun. He has to undo, undo, undo so he just says “What?”

Baekhyun seems to have gotten confused because he, too, is saying “What?” 

“What?” Kyungsoo parrots after him and he bites back a smile because this situation is funny. Coworkers can joke around each other!

“You're ridiculous.” Baekhyun says with a small laugh lacing his words.

“You love it.”

There it is. The fuck up of the century. Oh my god. Shit. Fuck. Every curse word in the world.

Kyungsoo did not just blurt that out, oh god. His plan to hire a hitman is coming back to him because the air is suddenly so thick around them Kyungsoo literally wants to choke. There's no way after all this time he still loves anything Kyungsoo related — Baekhyun does not love anything about Kyungsoo and that's pretty evident from current and previous actions. The worst thing is Kyungsoo can't even confirm that fact because Baekhyun isn't saying anything and Kyungsoo can not sense what he's feeling. He cannot sense whether Baekhyun’s smiling or if he's frowning at Kyungsoo. But one thing’s for certain is, Baekhyun is silent.

When Baekhyun’s silent, most of the times its disapproval or if he's really shocked about something. And the latter only happens rarely.

Kyungsoo suddenly wants to cry at the thought of Baekhyun not loving him — and God, he thought about this so many times and he shouldn't be this affected. But suddenly he's a high school junior again, in his old room, cladin the sweater Baekhyun forgot at his house and the emptiness he's feeling is threatening to swallow him whole. At that time, it's been a week since Kyungsoo learned about Baekhyun leaving to Japan unnoticed. Kyungsoo had just finished lurking on Baekhyun’s social media and to his misfortune, Baekhyun had posted a picture of himself and his friends from his university and he was happy. So happy, like he doesn't care that Kyungsoo isn't a part of his life anymore.

That picture was his least favourite. It was like a slap to the face because Kyungsoo had tried so hard to communicate with Baekhyun but to no avail. And the fact that he had time to post this but not reply to Kyungsoo’s messages was just the confirmation he didn't need — that Baekhyun was indeed ignoring him. A confirmation that he wanted quits on his and Kyungsoo's relationship.

Kyungsoo’s always wondered if Baekhyun had ever truly loved him after that point. Because if he did, then why and how was it so easy for him walk away from Kyungsoo?

Kyungsoo's specs are rhythmically fogging and not fogging up. He likes to imagine that the silence in in the room is caused by the steam of the teapot swallowing up the words Baekhyun is saying and not the tension between them. The air in the kitchen is enough indication that they both know that there's a huge elephant in the room, but no one's willing to step forward and actually address the issue properly.

Kyungsoo sighs and he's sure it's audible but he’s reached the point of not caring. He checks his teapot once more, the tea is done brewing. He glances at the mini tray he set for himself, consisting of one cup and a small jar of honey and wonders if he should add another cup.

Just for the sake of “coworkers”. 

Before his mind actually makes the decision, his body acts on its own and he's trudging towards the cupboard to grab another cup.

He adds the cup to his mini tray and places the teapot in the centre of it, just to balance everything on the tray out. How embarrassing would it be if he dropped everything on the floor. 

Baekhyun is still sitting on that small stool, adjacent to the kitchen counter. He's looking down and fumbling with his fingers and Kyungsoo hates that Baekhyun is so unlike himself every time he's near Kyungsoo. 

Kyungsoo stifles another sigh and pauses when he gets next to Baekhyun. His face is burning, because next, Baekhyun is glancing at him, eyes travelling from Kyungsoo’s cropped hair, to the specs that frame his face and finally, to the nimble fingers holding a tray that has not one, but two cups.

Kyungsoo isn't going to say anything to Baekhyun, he knows Baekhyun can take a fucking hint so he proceeds to the living room, face red and scrunched up because how embarrassing.

They sit in the living room silently, on opposite ends though. Kyungsoo keeps his distance from Baekhyun and Baekhyun can't help but just understand with an uneasy smile.

Kyungsoo starts pouring the tea into a cup and Baekhyun keeps his eyes locked on the deft motion of Kyungsoo’s fingers, how they pour the tea with so much grace and stir the honey with lively hidden strokes of his wrist.

Kyungsoo can feel Baekhyun’s eyes trained on him and there was a time where he would bask in the attention. But right now, he kinda wants Baekhyun to never look at him just to try to keep at least a fragment of his sanity in check.

Kyungsoo is done with Baekhyun’s cup of tea and he doesn't get up to give it him. Instead, he turns his face, takes the cup in his hand extends his arm, waiting for Baekhyun himself to get up and take it. Baekhyun doesn't disappoint because next, he feels the warm pads of Baekhyun's fingers against his.

Kyungsoo doesn't know if Baekhyun is doing this purposely because Baekhyun would always tease him with fleeting touches that last a second too long, and this is one of them.

It's electric and Kyungsoo hates the fact that his body has found something familiar again, that it's looking forward for more contact with Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo thinks he should be focusing on the steady stream of his tea from the pot into the cup but instead, his mind seems to only be interested on the small pleased sounds Baekhyun makes after every sip.

With a delighted hum, Baekhyun says, “You remembered how much honey I like in my tea.” Kyungsoo’s stirring the honey in his own cup and he thinks about how Baekhyun’s sweet tooth is insatiable. He answers, mind still occupied, “how could I forget?”

Kyungsoo’s hand stills as what he says starts dawning on him and, goddammit, why is he always screwing things up? It’s silent now and it's not as awkward as it was in the kitchen, which Kyungsoo is grateful for. Maybe Kyungsoo’s overreacting, maybe things aren't tense and gross like it is in his head because it's normal for him to remember things. Coworkers remember things about each other and it's completely normal!

But then again, if it's so normal, then why is he having such a hard time convincing himself that it is just that?

The crimson of his cheeks is amplified against the crisp white shirt he's wearing and he prays to whatever God out there Baekhyun doesn't notice. Kyungsoo sneaks a glance at Baekhyun and sees that he’s looking at him, mouth hung open and there's a look in his eyes.

Kyungsoo thinks it looks like fondness, but that obviously can't be it.

\---

It's a Saturday night and Kyungsoo really, really, needs to finish this paper. It's due in a couple of hours and it seems like Kyungsoo has been thinking of that hitman more and more regularly. He’s staring at the blank page on his computer, the cursor blinking mockingly at him.

Kyungsoo sighs. He was never good at biology, always opting for more creative and open subjects (like literature!). To make matters worse, there's a party going on downstairs and they're blasting really bad pop music (the type Baekhyun likes) and Kyungsoo wants to bash his head against his laptop, hoping his head smacking can type out some coherent biology terms.

He hears Baekhyun looking for his keys and then he's yelling a “I'm heading out!” The door makes a click sound and Baekhyun's officially out. He shouldn't worry about Baekhyun as he’ll only be in the party just a few floors down. For a moment, Kyungsoo thinks about going with Baekhyun just to keep an eye on him. But he can't do that because of this damn paper. Kyungsoo groans, folding his arms across the desk in front of him and laying his head on them.

Baekhyun and biology both start with B and he hates them both.

Coincidence?

Kyungsoo thinks not.

He doesn't even know why he signed up for this class when he knows he fucking sucks at anything biology related. Maybe he should ask Chanyeol for help but before that he thinks about how much time has passed since him and Baekhyun moved in together.

It's been about 3 weeks and they still have some awkward, couple-y moments that remind him of those high school days but other than that, they're both not willing to bring up the subject of Baekhyun leaving.

Kyungsoo hates confrontations and Baekhyun probably doesn't want to talk about it so, why not just let it slide?

Kyungsoo groans once again, head lulling to the side so it rests on his arm. He blinks up at the ceiling and he so many questions.

Baekhyun suddenly coming back to Korea to spend his senior year here just doesn't make sense to Kyungsoo. He knows Baekhyun was top of his class in highschool so the same thing must be happening in university. So his marks being inadequate is definitely crossed out. Maybe he doesn't have the funds to support himself? Kyungsoo doubts it. Baekhyun is a smart guy, he knows how to deal with his money.

Kyungsoo thinks about what Baekhyun majors in and realises that he actually doesn't know. Based on the social media lurking Kyungsoo does, it's something chemistry related but so far, he hasn't seen any chemistry equations on any of the sheets Baekhyun brings home.

He knows Baekhyun likes chemistry, but his true passion lies somewhere else. Kyungsoo feels a surge bitterness cloud his mind as one of their bigger arguments in highschool was about Baekhyun’s university decisions.

As a high school junior, Kyungsoo has also been stressing out about his future, but not as much as Baekhyun. Baekhyun was a senior that time and time was running up for him. He needed to decide what he wanted to do with his life and it was hard. He was caught between a rock and a hard place, not knowing whether to follow his passion in music or please his parents and take something that might grant him a “real job”.

Kyungsoo has been persistent with Baekhyun, telling him to talk to his parents about pursuing what he loves. He remembers Baekhyun getting mad, telling Kyungsoo to “drop the subject and mind his own business,” before regretting it a heartbeat later. Kyungsoo doesn't recall Baekhyun ever giving him a solid decision about what he wants to do, but they had ended that page of their lives with a kiss and an “I'll support you no matter what you choose to do.”

Time passes, Baekhyun graduates high school. They kiss one last time at his graduation and then he's gone.

All their plans of going to the same university, sharing a place together and helping each other through the challenges in an important chapter of their lives just gone.

Kyungsoo smiles but it's sour. At least two of these things ended up happening in the long run and it's weird that they actually ended up rooming together. What even are the chances of that happening.

He remembers last year’s roommate was an exchange student called Chaz. Chaz was a cool dude but their conversations only consisted of “how are you? And “I'm fine, thank you. And you?”

By the time he finishes contemplating everything, he hears that familiar click of the door again. He raises his head up from the small cave of arms he made for himself and peeks at Baekhyun walking towards him, a glint in his eyes and a mischievous smile gracing his features.

When he sees that Kyungsoo’s actually awake and aware of his surroundings, he frowns in mock defeat and says, “Aw, I wanted to scare you.”

Kyungsoo tries so hard bite back a grin (remember, like coworkers!) and says, “You're back early.” He sits upright and stretches, briefly thinks about how he really needs to finish up this paper.

“Yeah, the party’s no fun without you.” Baekhyun then turns around to set his keys on the kitchen counter and Kyungsoo fights the urge to, quite literally, kick his ass. Who the fuck goes around telling their ex that?

When Baekhyun’s done with whatever he was doing, he turns around and Kyungsoo surveys Baekhyun. Kyungsoo swallows because Baekhyun, our father who art in heaven, hallowed by thy name, looks so good. Like, exceptionally good. Like, I wouldn't mind having your dick so far up my ass good.

Ash brown locks side swept and a black leather jack resting on his shoulders, the bad ass biker look really suits Baekhyun. Not to mention the pants Baekhyun’s wearing makes his ass look absolutely delectable and it really leaves nothing for Kyungsoo to imagine.

(Not that he had to imagine in the first place. Let's just say that Baekhyun’s bare form is something he could probably never forget.) 

To make things worse, Baekhyun starts stripping. The alarms in Kyungsoo’s head go off when Baekhyun starts taking off his leather jacket. Kyungsoo gulps and thankfully it's only his jacket and he averts his eyes away. From the corner of his eye, he could see Baekhyun texting someone and his biceps flex under the position he's holding his phone in.

He really needs a gallon, maybe two, of holy water because this white shirt is so form fitting, he could vaguely register the outline of Baekhyun’s abs and, gasp, is that a nipple Kyungsoo sees?

Kyungsoo apologises to his mum in his head for having such inappropriate thoughts and oh god, it feels worse than that time he thirsted over the pastor’s son.

Kyungsoo shakes his head in disapproval and he really needs to distract himself and what's better than a biology paper? So, he snaps out of it and turns his laptop on.

Baekhyun sets his phone down and takes long strides towards Kyungsoo, eyebrow arched playfully. Kyungsoo briefly wonders if Baekhyun was a mind reader this whole time and he read Kyungsoo’s thoughts about his nips.

“Whatchu doing?” Kyungsoo might've sobbed in head, just a bit, because Baekhyun sounds so cute saying that.

No! Baekhyun isn't supposed to be cute!

He hates Baekhyun and Biology and he'll continue to hate them forever.

“I, uh, have a bio paper I need to work on.” Kyungsoo swallows and he says, albeit a bit hesitantly, “You know how I am with bio.”

“Yeah, I do,” Baekhyun says and his voice is so light and breezy, it makes Kyungsoo feel like he's in that park they used to go to after school, “so scoot over.”

“What?” Kyungsoo really doesn't know what Baekhyun means when he says scoot over.

Baekhyun laughs and says, “We’re not doing that ‘what’ thing again.”

“I'll help you, so scoot over.” Baekhyun sounds so prideful, as if he's the best thing to ever happen to Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo might sometimes agree with that, only on a really good day.

“Or if you want,” Baekhyun is suddenly so close to his ear and his voice drops to a whisper, it causes Kyungsoo to slightly shudder as he continues saying, “You can sit on my lap. I don't mind.”

At that, Kyungsoo’s face bleeds ruby in record time. He gets flashbacks of times when they would “help each other study”, but do absolutely no studying at all. Instead, they would take an isolated table in their school library, far away from everyone else and Kyungsoo would be perched on Baekhyun’s lap. They would be interlaced, Kyungsoo’s arms wrapped around Baekhyun’s neck while Baekhyun’s hands were a steady weight on his back and waist, balancing him as they languidly make out.

Kyungsoo is right after all. He definitely hates Baekhyun.

He hears Baekhyun laugh at presumably his reaction and Kyungsoo literally wants the ground to swallow him whole. His eyes refuse to meet Baekhyun’s even as Baekhyun drags a chair over and urges Kyungsoo to make some space for him.

Baekhyun spends the night helping him with his paper, making sure everything he's writing makes sense. It's honestly hard for him to focus when Baekhyun is this close to him — he's mostly concentrating on the heat radiating from Baekhyun’s thigh that's touching his and he’d be alert every time their shoulders just as much brush past each other.

It's around 3 in the morning when they finish and the party downstairs is still lively. Kyungsoo emails his professor and uses some bullshit excuse about why he's almost 5 hours late to his deadline and just as closes the lid of his laptop, Baekhyun gets up with a yawn.

Kyungsoo forgot how good him and Baekhyun work together, how efficient they are as a pair and Baekhyun must be having the same thoughts as him because he’s saying, “It feels nice, doing school work with you again, Soo.” And he's doing that eye smile thing. 

Kyungsoo just nods, out of politeness because doing schoolwork with Baekhyun just reminded him of how close they were. And what they don't have anymore. That subdued sadness he felt earlier is back and — sighs, Kyungsoo doesn't want to feel like this.

Baekhyun must have noticed the change in the atmosphere because next, he's shifting his eyes back and forth between Kyungsoo and the floor.

“I'm going to bed.” Baekhyun says and his voice isn't playful anymore, it's all skips and nerves around the edges, “Good night, Soo.”

Kyungsoo hums in response, murmuring a small “night.”

Kyungsoo wonders if he’ll ever be able to sleep by Baekhyun’s side when the sun kisses the horizon hello or when the stars greet the sapphire skies.

\---

Kyungsoo finds himself surrounded by heaps of blankets and his favourite pillows (Baekhyun’s arms). Don't get Kyungsoo wrong, he still hates Baekhyun! But he feels so comfy like this, he just has to snuggle up to Baekhyun. Baekhyun’s nose nuzzles the top of his head and Kyungsoo can feel him smiling and it feels nice, being curled up against Baekhyun. Baekhyun’s arm is around Kyungsoo’s shoulders, locking him in place and Kyungsoo’s glad because he could stay like this forever.

Kyungsoo isn’t paying attention to the movie playing on Baekhyun’s laptop and instead, relishes in the warmth of Baekhyun’s arms.

To be honest, Kyungsoo doesn't know how he ended up in this situation. A few weeks back, he had to watch a movie for his literature class and had to analyse every single frame. Baekhyun had joined him, having nothing better to do. At that time, they sat on complete opposite ends, both pairs of eyes fixated on Kyungsoo's laptop settled on the coffee table. A day after that, Baekhyun had made an announcement.

He had barged into the kitchen, breathless when he said, “We’re having a roommate exercise.” Kyungsoo had wished for someone chuck a brick through their window and have it miraculously land in Baekhyun’s mouth so he could stop talking so much. Kyungsoo’s right eyebrow had twitched in unmasked annoyance as he asked Baekhyun “What roommate exercise?” Said roommate exercise ended up being forced to watch a movie together each week, no matter the circumstances.

The first week they did this, they had, once again, sat on opposite ends of the couch — Kyungsoo wanting to put as much distance as possible between them. And throughout the weeks, they seemingly moved closer, each movie bringing in less inches between them until they were snuggled up against each other, absolutely no space between their bodies.

Kyungsoo snaps out of his reverie when Baekhyun laughs at a scene, his shoulders shaking. “Oh well, this is better than last week,” Kyungsoo thinks because last week, Baekhyun had managed to sneak his hands under Kyungsoo’s clothing, to have his hands rest on Kyungsoo’s bare waist.

\---

Any person could tell Kyungsoo’s tired just from the way he’s walking. Each footstep of his leaves an imprint of fatigue and sleepiness and who could blame him? Finals week is coming up and all professors simultaneously decided to give them deadlines at the same. 

 

He all but trudges up the stairs leading to his room and at this point, retrieving his keys from his pocket seems to be the most exhausting exercise he's done all his life.

He's quickly shaken away from his tired state as he enters the room and sees Baekhyun sitting on the floor, a bunch of papers surrounding him. 

Kyungsoo feels a headache starting in his right temple and his eyebrow twitches. Baekhyun doesn't usually make messes in their room, but when he does, it usually take him 4 business days to clean it up. And he does not feel like cleaning up right now.

He chooses to ignore the “hey, Soo,” Baekhyun throws his way, instead he stifles a sigh and settles down on the couch. Baekhyun's back is facing him and Kyungsoo could see him fumbling around with the papers. “What’s all this?”

“Oh,” Baekhyun doesn't turn around and Kyungsoo frowns at that. Kyungsoo thinks about yelling at Baekhyun, something along the lines of you're supposed to look at people when you're talking to them but then, Baekhyun turns around and he’s all pretty smiley eyes, Kyungsoo suppresses a groan. Baekhyun decides to continue his sentence as he says, “This is my mess, so you don't have to worry about cleaning all this up.”

Kyungsoo curses his brain, himself and Baekhyun because how could Baekhyun just figure him out like that. It's unfair and Kyungsoo doesn't deserve to love someone that probably doesn't love him back. 

“Ah, no, that's not what I meant.” Kyungsoo technically isn’t lying. He was thinking of the mess but he's curious as to what all these papers are. He couldn't really see the writings on them as he had dumped his contacts on his way home, choosing to walk blindly instead of having his eyes ache in tiredness. “What are these papers? and why do you have so many of them?” He's too tired to hide the whine from his voice.

Baekhyun fully twists his body, turning around so he's sitting face to face with Kyungsoo. He narrows his eyes and starts inspecting Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo just lets him, more than used to Baekhyun’s staring tendencies.

“Are you not wearing your contacts?”

There it is again.

Kyungsoo turns his head away from Baekhyun, all his attention diverted onto the little framed picture of his family. Baekhyun cannot know that he still possesses the not-so-super superpower of knowing exactly which colours Kyungsoo mixes to get his emotions, what brushes he uses to paint on his canvas of actions and little habits that don't die out easy.

“It's okay if you aren't, I can be your eyes.” Baekhyun ends his sentence with an exaggerated wink and Kyungsoo wants to choke him.

Baekhyun starts again, voice steady and Kyungsoo thinks he sounds like a narrator. “My dearest Soo,” he brings a paper close to Kyungsoo’s face and Kyungsoo can almost read it if he squints just a bit but then, Baekhyun’s taking the paper away and extending his arm, raising the paper high in the air as he says, “This is a music sheet.”

Kyungsoo briefly wonders why Baekhyun is so extra about everything he does.

“These are all music sheets,” Baekhyun swings his arms around for emphasis that yes indeed, all these papers are music sheets and then he's pointing at himself, “And I am a very happy music major.”

Kyungsoo doesn't register that Baekhyun is, in fact, a music major. Not chemistry. But music.

“You're a music major?” Kyungsoo’s words come out slow and he almost can't believe his ears. He has waited for this moment for what seems like a lifetime because he knows Baekhyun is happiest when he's encircled by floating tunes that dance upon melodies.

Even with everything that has happened between them, all Kyungsoo wants is for Baekhyun to be happy with what he does. And Baekhyun finally is. 

“A very happy one.” Baekhyun doesn't bite back his grin, instead he smiles from cheek to cheek, canines poking out.

“I don't know what to say,”

“You don't need to say anything. I—” Baekhyun starts and he seems to be hesitant, his tongue tip toeing around the words, “I know how you feel.”

Kyungsoo doesn't have time to say anything else after that because Baekhyun is rambling on about their university’s music program. Baekhyun’s eyes are always so beautiful — they always have that twinkle in them but this time, it looks like someone had blown moon dust into them and they glisten so beautifully, even under their room’s ugly yellow lights.

Kyungsoo doesn't really hear what Baekhyun’s saying, instead he finds himself entranced. He’s entranced, but not just with how Baekhyun’s eyes are all fire and soft ember, but with how he seems to really find his place in the world now that's he's surrounded by the thing he loves the most.

He isn't really thinking when he finds himself slipping from the couch onto the cold wooden tiles of their floor. Kyungsoo changing positions doesn't deter Baekhyun from continuing to talk about all things music — from Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata and Chopin’s Snowflake Waltz to the wave of EDM hitting all genres of music.

Except now he's stuttering, the words start to topple out of his mouth incoherent and disconnected because Kyungsoo’s inching closer and closer.

You have to believe Kyungsoo when he says he doesn't know how he ends up cross legged and this close to Baekhyun, knees touching and faces separated by mere centimetres. He can feel Baekhyun’s breath tickling his lips and Baekhyun's words slowly turn into a hushed whisper, until the only thing they hear is the resonating sound of their breathes.

Kyungsoo isn't able to see anything except that mole above Baekhyun’s lips. His eyes drift further down to focus on Baekhyun’s lips and how they're open ever so lightly. His mouth is left ajar because Baekhyun is feeling the same way as Kyungsoo, feeling that same desire and he's panting hard just at their proximity.

When Baekhyun talks, it's a thing of rugged breath as he says, “Do you want to kiss me?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo croaks out and then Baekhyun’s hands are on his face, holding him in place as his right thumb strokes his cheek. Kyungsoo keeps his eyes open as long as possible, just to see Baekhyun creeping closer and closer to him, so he can see Baekhyun’s eyes flutter shut, so he can see the way his face contorts when he presses his lips against Kyungsoo’s.

Kyungsoo thought he would never experience the feeling of Baekhyun’s lips on his again so this is very fulfilling in every sense of the word.

Kyungsoo's missed Baekhyun so much and touching him in a way that's so intimate is something that knocks the air out of him, has him gasping against Baekhyun's lips while his arms scramble for purchase.

It's overwhelming and Baekhyun’s shirt is probably wrinkled from how hard Kyungsoo’s holding on to him.

Baekhyun's hands detach from his face and he starts to get up. Kyungsoo promptly deflates and he's so scared Baekhyun’s gonna walk away again. He opens his mouth to say something but then Baekhyun’s sitting down and settling next to him.

Kyungsoo feels that blaze in his stomach crackle as Baekhyun looks absolutely wrecked, hair mussed and lips pink. Back against the couch, Baekhyun pats his lap and it doesn't take years of trying to understand Baekhyun for him to know exactly what he means by that.

Kyungsoo clambers up until he's settling on Baekhyun, legs comfortably wrapping around Baekhyun’s waist. When he captures Kyungsoo’s lips in another kiss, one hand is on the back of Kyungsoo’s neck and the other is squeezing his thigh, Kyungsoo presses his body closer, closer, closer, to Baekhyun’s. They're chest to chest, hip to hip and it's surprising they haven't moulded into one being already.

Kyungsoo’s hands are threading through Baekhyun's hair, a type of response to Baekhyun’s ministrations — he's biting on his bottom lip and Kyungsoo’s always been a fan of biting.

That night, Kyungsoo doesn't sleep in his bed. All it took was Baekhyun’s lips brushing past the shell of his ear to nip at his neck and say, “Stay with me tonight,” for him to climb on to Baekhyun’s bed. Fingers carding through his hair and a steady heartbeat lull him to sleep.

 

\---

First thing Chanyeol does is smack Kyungsoo up the head when Kyungsoo tells him he kissed Baekhyun.

Second thing he does is apologise profusely when Kyungsoo send a glare his way, as if he needs someone tell him what he did was absolutely dumb.

“You're telling me,” Chanyeol exasperatedly starts, a laugh bubbling out of his throat, “You made out with your roommate who happens to be the same ex that damned all your future relationships and slept with him? In a non sexual manner?” By the time he's done, Chanyeol's full on guffawing, ugly chortles filling the coffee shop.

Kyungsoo groans and puts his head in his hands, “Chanyeol, you don't have to repeat to me what I just told you.”

Chanyeol's smiling, but this time there's some pity in his voice, “It's just that this whole thing,” Chanyeol swings his arms around, symbolising ‘whole thing’, “is so unlike you.”

“I mean, the Kyungsoo I know doesn't go around and kisses their ex like that?”

“Looks like you don't know me then,” Kyungsoo sighs out and Chanyeol laughs even more.

Kyungsoo should really get new friends. New friends that don't laugh at his problems.

“Ah, Kyungsoo, I really don't know what to tell you.  
Things might end bad and you're probably gonna have to move out if it happens again.”

“It won't—” Kyungsoo swallows thickly and suddenly it's hard for him to talk. “It won't happen again.”

\---

Turns out, Kyungsoo was completely lying to himself (and Chanyeol) when he said it won't happen again. Kyungsoo kisses Baekhyun when he leaves for class, when he comes back from class and even sends Baekhyun kissing emojis in class.

The whole thing is something familiar, something reoccurring they fall back into but expectedly, they don't talk about it and instead, just let it it happen. Kyungsoo's half glad, half sad (that rhymes! He's patting himself on the back for that) that there isn't much talking going on because this is the closest he's been to Baekhyun since he had came back.

It feels good, being with Baekhyun in this way once again and he's afraid that if they start talking about it, everything that's between them will just dissipate into nothing, like how the past 4 years have been.

But what if talking about it ends up being good? What if something more happens, what if they end up getting back together and this “in between” phase becomes a thing of their past?

There are so many what ifs and Kyungsoo doesn't want to risk losing Baekhyun just because he's being greedy.

Which is why he's getting annoyed at Baekhyun for wanting to talk to him about it.

“Listen, Kyungsoo, just hear me out,” Kyungsoo feels a vein throb in his forehead because this can't be happening right now as he walks away from Baekhyun, avoiding all of the latter’s attempts at touching him to hold him in place.

“I don't want to hear you out, I just want to sleep,” They had been lying on Kyungsoo's bed earlier, Baekhyun was on his phone while his other hand carelessly threaded through Kyungsoo’s hair and aimlessly scratched at his neck. Kyungsoo had been so comfortable. He was this close to sleeping away the rest of his night, arm and leg thrown over Baekhyun.

“It'll take 5 minutes, I swear,” yeah, 5 minutes to possibly break his heart and leave him alone once again. Great.

Kyungsoo answers by walking away even faster and there's only so much walking he could do in their small dorm room. They end up in the living room, face to face on opposite ends. It feels almost nostalgic, they were standing like when they first reunited.

“Why are you being so pissy about this?” Baekhyun looks irritated and that irritates Kyungsoo in turn.

“Because you're, literally, always talking and you always wanna talk when I just want to sleep for 2 seconds,” Kyungsoo bites back and relishes in the scowl Baekhyun throws his way.

“You can go to sleep,” Baekhyun’s voice is sharper and it’s pissing Kyungsoo off, “after you give me a chance and listen to what I have to say.”

Kyungsoo wants to start running away again but then Baekhyun's latching onto his wrist and holding him in place. Kyungsoo looks at the hand on his wrist and says, “You're being so selfish right now.” He shakes Baekhyun's hand away and continues, “why do your needs always have to come before mine?”

Baekhyun scoffs and replies, “that's not true,” Kyungsoo gives him a pointed look as Baekhyun continues, “it's not true because this is about the both of us.”

Things are getting heated pretty quick, the air around them is hot and Kyungsoo feels sticky. “If it's about the two of us then I think my two cents should be taken into consideration. I don't want to talk to you right now.”

“To me?” Baekhyun’s eyes are glinting but this time, it's probably the starting flame of anger. Worst thing is that Kyungsoo still thinks he looks beautiful. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what you think it does.” Kyungsoo crosses his arms and looks away, not wanting to meet Baekhyun’s eyes.

“Kyungsoo, do you see what's going on between us?” Kyungsoo’s throat suddenly feels dry because this is what he's been dreading.

“Yeah. It’s nothing.” At that Baekhyun eyes go wild and that flame is suddenly a burning inferno.

“How are you calling it nothing when both our feelings are on the line here?” Baekhyun’s voice is trembling with what seems to be anger and frustration. 

“Weird. You're suddenly caring about my feelings,” This time, it's Kyungsoo who's ending his sentence with a scoff. He’s passive aggressive and judging by the tone of their voices, he knows where this is going.

“You know I've always cared about you,” Kyungsoo could see Baekhyun’s fists clenching on his sides and it drives him mad. Why is Baekhyun so angry about this? Shouldn't he be the angry one?

“I don't know, Baekhyun. It's kinda hard to believe,” Kyungsoo's voice is shaky and his hands might be shaky too.

“What are you even saying?” Baekhyun’s eyes are narrowing and the steady stream of moonlight from their window is highlighting his face.

 

“I'm saying you decided to stop caring about me when you just got up and left,” Kyungsoo knows that this is the point of no return, he's burning the bridge between him and Baekhyun and it might be the end of what they have. “I'm saying, you stopped giving two damns about me when you spent four fucking years in Japan without even bothering to contact me. You are utterly unbelievable and if you really think things can go back to the way they were then you are dead fucking wrong.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widen in shock at everything Kyungsoo is saying and then they're narrowing threateningly. Baekhyun looks dangerous, that glint in his eyes feral.

“Where did you get the idea that I wanted things to go back to the way they were?” This time, Baekhyun's voice isn't shaky. He's calm and collected and Kyungsoo hates it because with every breath of his, Baekhyun is moving closer and closer to Kyungsoo. Their faces are so close, Kyungsoo can feel Baekhyun’s breath fanning his lips.

“You are so hard to love, Kyungsoo. I’d rather not love you at all.” At that, Kyungsoo’s eyes are wide and he chokes, not believing Baekhyun, of all people, would say something like that. Kyungsoo accepted the fact that Baekhyun probably can't return the same amount of affection he has for him, but for him to say he wishes he never loved Kyungsoo? It leaves Kyungsoo with a tight chest, a simple task like breathing is becoming so difficult and there are pin pricks in the back of his eyes — it just hurts.

Baekhyun doesn't stop there and continues speaking, “Don’t you feel anything, anymore?”

At that Kyungsoo’s eyes snap up, thoughts cut off because he's always been told to open up, to “let loose”. He was never that type of person until Baekhyun came along in his sophomore year of highschool, he still

Kyungsoo’s world has always been a backdrop of vibrant flashes of blues and the occasional yellow but Baekhyun brought in a world of lively reds, oranges that seemed to melt into pinks. Baekhyun’s mere presence in Kyungsoo’s life has taught him that his emotions weren't something to shy away from. His feelings were alluring in the best of ways and they made him him.

The reason he loved literature so much is because Kyungsoo has always managed to find a writer’s true sentiments in the small details of their pieces. Whether it was the hue of something as simple as a curtain in the story or the way they described a character handling a pen, it was there and Kyungsoo lives for the thrill of uncovering what the author really means. He could relate to literature in the way that his feelings were there but not expressed obviously, instead, they were a chameleon, choosing to blend in his entire being his emotions. 

Baekhyun has always been understanding. He's been understanding since the moment he met Kyungsoo in the back of the library, when Kyungsoo hadn’t laughed at his well thought out jokes, instead deciding to giggle when Baekhyun stumbled over his punchline.

So, Baekhyun asking him if he feels anything anymore has him reeling. He sees red and suddenly, the crimsons Baekhyun introduced to his life aren't so charming. They aren't the feeling of a warm breeze after a summer drizzle, they are the colour of rage, frustration and the inevitable desperation that comes with it.

He tears his eyes off the carpet and Baekhyun’s so close in his vicinity, a confirmation that he's waiting for an answer to such an insensitive question.

“You don't get to ask me if I feel anything. You know—” He chokes on his words, a sob bubbling out of his throat and it's so, so hard to breathe. He sees something flash in Baekhyun’s eyes briefly and he knows that Baekhyun has landed from whatever cloud of irritability he was floating on. “You know how much I loved you,” his throat feels tight and everything's so blurry, “how much I still love you.”

“Don't even try to deny that, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo’s quick to wipe at a tear when it spills over, his actions ferocious and aggravated. He cannot give Baekhyun the satisfaction of seeing him cry.

“No, that's not what I meant, Soo—” Baekhyun takes one step forward, hand reaching out to wipe at Kyungsoo’s tears but Kyungsoo recoils. “Don't.” Kyungsoo interrupts him.

Then it's a flurry of movement, Kyungsoo shouldering past Baekhyun, not daring to look back. He doesn't have the energy to slam the door as he exits.

\---

Baekhyun is 16 when he hears about Do Kyungsoo before he meets him. Apparently, Do Kyungsoo is the cutest underclassmen — he puts all his seniors in headlocks, he gets cute sweater paws as his uniform is too big on him and he never laughs at any of his upperclassmen’s jokes, not even Jongdae’s.

It feels like a challenge has fallen into Baekhyun’s lap, a God given task to make his precious underclassmen crack.

(He knows he's being too dramatic but, Do Kyungsoo’s actually pretty cute face-wise too. Big eyes framed by even bigger specs and cute floppy mushroom hair. Just, cute.)

Baekhyun asks around about Kyungsoo and finds out small things about him. His English teacher relies on him more than the actual T.A, he likes feeding the stray cats around their school and he's always hanging around the library — almost besties with the librarian.

Baekhyun is a few weeks shy from turning 17 when he decides to finally approach Kyungsoo. It takes weeks and weeks of dedicated, intricate planning to advance towards Kyungsoo. “This is it,” Baekhyun thinks. He doesn't even know why he's nervous, he's just doing a simple task of making an underclassmen laugh — something he's done quite often and is kind of a pro, if he says so himself.

Entering the double doors of the library, he throws the librarian a thin lipped smile and thinks twice about calling himself a pro at making people laugh. She scowls at him and it's probably the result of weeks trying to get her to laugh. No wonder she thinks of him as a pest.

That's not his mission though, he needs to find Do Kyungsoo and make him laugh. Rumour has it, if you hear Do Kyungsoo laugh then Kim Jongdae would appear in front of you and hand you a page of his bad jokes booklet.

Baekhyun peeks at every aisle until he catches sight of a mushroom haired boy. He perks up and takes a deep breath, this is it, the moment of truth.

Determination hanging off each footstep, he stalks towards Kyungsoo, who seems to be checking out books in the literature aisle.

Typical.

Kyungsoo doesn't notice his presence as his back is facing Baekhyun, so Baekhyun takes advantage of that. He extends his left arm super fast, hand landing against the shelf on the left of Kyungsoo’s head so he’s trapping Kyungsoo.

(Except he's not really trapping because Kyungsoo can just walk away from the right. Baekhyun probably forgot about that.)

Kyungsoo, unfazed, just turns around and blinks at Baekhyun. Kyungsoo’s eyes inspect his face before they shift to the hand next to his head. Kyungsoo looks bored and, frankly, Baekhyun is offended.

Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyun once again, before stepping away from where he’s supposedly “locked” him. Baekhyun gawks at Kyungsoo and stares at his back as he just walks away.

His big chance, gone just like that.

Baekhyun needs to try again.

He comes back the next day, this time he doesn't smile at the librarian, instead puts all his focus on Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun finds Kyungsoo in the same aisle as yesterday and stalks towards him once again. This time, Kyungsoo peers at him from his book, gaze bored just like yesterday.

This time, Baekhyun remembers to trap Kyungsoo with both arms and Kyungsoo bites back a smile at that. They're just staring at each other and a bystander would probably be like, “what the fuck is going on,” but this is completely normal.

Kyungsoo and Baekhyun have been dancing around each other for what seems like months now. The attraction is there and they both ask around about each other. Baekhyun would look at Kyungsoo while the latter stuffs his lockers with books while Kyungsoo would keep his eyes locked on the way Baekhyun laughed with his friends.

Two things were common: how they would ogle at each other for what seems to be a total of 52 hours and the fact that they would always catch each other in the middle of the act. Baekhyun would lean down, holding on to his stomach while waiting for his laughter to die down and when he got up, he would find Kyungsoo’s lingering gaze.

“Hey, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun’s voice is steady as ever, wanting to keep his cool in front of someone he could call his crush. Kyungsoo doesn't bother looking up from his book when he answers with a hum.

“What did one cell say to its sister toe when it stepped on his toe?” Baekhyun bites his lips because Kyungsoo is closing his book, eyes piqued with what looks like curiosity.

“I'm bad at bio.” Kyungsoo deadpans. Baekhyun resists the urge to laugh because the rumours are true. Kyungsoo is truly so cute.

“The cell said,” Baekhyun’s urge to smile is growing stronger by the second because Kyungsoo's also starting to grin, “meiosis.”

Baekhyun waits for the laughs to resonate from Kyungsoo but they never come. Instead, he's greeted with Kyungsoo's confused face, eyebrows scrunched together and head tilted in question.  
He doesn't need need to know Biology to understand the joke so why isn't he laughing?

“Uh, isn't it supposed to be mitosis?”

And then it dawns on Baekhyun.

He said meiosis.

Not mitosis.

This is it. He's gonna die like this, mortified and confused between meiosis and mitosis. There's no more “trapping Kyungsoo between him and shelves” because his hands are covering his face in shame. He leans downs and further covers his face on Kyungsoo’s shoulders, absolutely mortified.

He feels vibrating under his double covered face and it takes him a while to register Kyungsoo is laughing. He made Do Kyungsoo laugh. Baekhyun looks back, exposing his face from where it was comfortably hidden in the expanse of Kyungsoo’s neck and gapes at Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun realises that this is truly the best sight he's ever witnessed. Forget the fireflies he watched from the rooftop of his grandpa’s house, Kyungsoo and his laugh are the absolute personification of sunshine and 24 karat gold. Kyungsoo’s laughing so hard, he's holding onto Baekhyun’s shoulders, unable to keep himself upright.

Baekhyun is just standing there in silence as Kyungsoo practically laughs his very plush butt off, shamelessly staring at Kyungsoo.

When Kyungsoo calms down from his fit of laughter, he looks at Baekhyun and says, “I thought you were supposed to be good at biology.”

Baekhyun’s offended once again as he rushes to explain himself, “I am! The terms are very confusing, though.”

Kyungsoo doesn't bother suppressing this one giggle so he just lets it free. Baekhyun all but relishes in the sound.

“Wait, how do you know I'm good at Biology?” Baekhyun narrows his eyes at Kyungsoo, just playfully though.

“The same way you know I'm good at literature.” Kyungsoo looks up at Baekhyun and his eyes teasing.

“Did they tell you why I'm called “Magic Fingers” besides the fact that I'm a god at playing piano?” Baekhyun brings his fingers up and wiggles them in Kyungsoo’s face, eyebrows also wiggling suggestively.

Kyungsoo gives him a blank look before turning on his heel and walking away, leaving Baekhyun behind. Baekhyun watches him go with an indignant squawk.

“Guess we're both pros at researching,” Baekhyun yells after him, arm slipping around Kyungsoo’s shoulders like it's second nature.

Baekhyun’s life sounds like Mozart’s Marriage in Figaro because that day, he asks Kyungsoo out.

Two weeks pass and his arm is around Kyungsoo’s waist, leading him to their lunch table. Jongdae promptly chokes on his stale broccoli when he sees who's stuck to Baekhyun’s hip and pulls out his bad jokes book.

They are each other's firsts and Baekhyun wouldn't have it any other way. It's been 3 months since they first started dating and Baekhyun thinks it's about time it happens — only if Kyungsoo is ready too.

It’s a mess of sweaty limbs and kiss red lips, arches of Kyungsoo’s back underneath the pads of Baekhyun’s fingers. They decide Kyungsoo would bottom since they were at his house and he's got everything prepared — from the lube and the condoms to the music they would play.

(Except they don't end up playing music, too wrapped up in each other to actually press play. They realise that there's really no need for condoms as they're both virgins and in turn STI free. They also want to make the most out of it, if you catch their drift.)

Baekhyun prepares Kyungsoo earnestly, distracts him with kisses to his neck and whispers about how good it will feel soon. When he slides in there's no pain, only sheer pleasure with Kyungsoo’s fingers digging into his shoulder. Baekhyun’s forehead is pressed against Kyungsoo's and he's panting against his lips, almost kissing him yet not quite.

Baekhyun makes sure Kyungsoo comes first, and it happens.

Kyungsoo comes with a broken cry of Baekhyun’s name, fingers that were previously softly raking through his hair are currently pulling. Baekhyun seems to be chasing after his own release with smaller rolls of his hips, making sure not to hurt Kyungsoo as he's still sensitive from his orgasm. Kyungsoo straightens up and kisses Baekhyun long and hard. It's passionate and condensed with emotion, almost rivalling what they're doing right now. That kiss was all it took for Baekhyun to come, hips stuttering against Kyungsoo.

After that, they cleaned each other up drank the Jasmine tea Kyungsoo made them. They sleep wrapped up around each other and as creepy as it sounds, Baekhyun watches Kyungsoo sleep. He's so beautiful, face highlighted by soft threads of silver light the moon’s streaming into his room.  
Kyungsoo softly snores and it sounds like angelic sighs (even if Kyungsoo’s kicking Baekhyun in the shin every 5 seconds).

Baekhyun is 17 and a senior and he's facing the decisions that would make or break his life.

In one hand, he could pursue something he's only good at (Biology, Chemistry, something medical related) or he could pursue something he loves.

Kyungsoo encourages him to do the latter but Baekhyun’s mad at his parents, the world and everyone around him for forcing him to choose the path of his life so early. He's stressed out and accidentally takes it out on Kyungsoo by telling him to mind his own business.

Kyungsoo looks at him long and hard while Baekhyun continues seething. He gets up and tells Baekhyun he's gonna give him some time to collect himself. Kyungsoo doesn't leave before pressing a kiss to Baekhyun’s temple, a simple gesture of, “I understand.”

Baekhyun hates himself for accidentally hurting Kyungsoo and he hates Kyungsoo even more for being so understanding. Except he doesn't really hate Kyungsoo and would never even dare to hate him.

He's been dating Kyungsoo for almost two years now and it's safe to say that the mushroom haired boy was the best thing to ever happen to him.

Which is why Baekhyun can't stand letting him down.

It doesn't matter to him that Kyungsoo has reassured him countless of times that he'll support him no matter what he decides, Baekhyun knows there will be a part of Kyungsoo disappointed in him and he absolutely cannot handle that.

Baekhyun is so scared of so many things, one of them being how in the long run, Kyungsoo will probably being ashamed of being his boyfriend. So the last time he kisses Kyungsoo is during his high school graduation. Kyungsoo probably thought the reason why the kiss was more, coughs, raunchy, coughs, is because it was in the spur of the moment. 

 

(Baekhyun just knew it would probably be the last time he kisses him that way.)

The picture of them hugging right after the kiss, all wrapped up around each other with wide smiles and stars in their eyes has been his lock screen for the longest time and he doesn't plan on changing it anytime soon.

His last text to Kyungsoo reads night Soo. Dream abt me n don't forget I love you the mostest :D because right after that, he cuts Kyungsoo off, his irrational fears getting the best of him.

Baekhyun makes his parents happy but he, himself, isn't happy.

Baekhyun is 21 when he's studying for one of his finals when everything starts to make sense to Baekhyun. He realises he can't do this. Biochemistry is starting to disgust him and he thinks about how being good at something doesn't equate to being happy with it. He’ll probably kill someone accidentally if he becomes a doctor because this whole thing is just not his passion and he can't possibly work properly like this.

Baekhyun’s life takes a turning point when a girl signs up to the same chemistry class as him. She looks stressed, in a rush, like time’s about to run out for her. On her way out, she drops a music sheet and Baekhyun realises it's not too late to change the course of his life.

Baekhyun sits down with his parents and talks to them about everything from how Biochemistry is literally sucking the life out of him (not in a good way) and how much he misses playing piano, how much he misses music and how much he misses Korea (and Kyungsoo).

His eyes are tearing up, his chest hurts and he's pouring his heart out because he needs to do this so bad or else he’ll literally not be able to live with himself.

Baekhyun braces himself for rejection from his parents but he also knows his parents are understanding, so there's a thread of hope keeping him grounded.

He finishes talking and then there's silence. His eyes sting and he just needs an answer. Baekhyun’s father stays stone faced but he nods, telling Baekhyun to pursue whatever wouldn't leave him hating his life. His mum is a bit a softer on him, she takes his hand and tells him that she’ll love him no matter what and the words sound similar to the words of a certain mushroom haired boy.

Baekhyun is shaking and he's so happy. He hugs both his parents and doesn't let go even when his father tells him to take responsibility for all his actions now that's he's an adult.

God, he's come a long way from the scared little boy he was in high school. How did he allow himself to waste almost 3 years of his life on something he probably hates now? And Kyungsoo, oh god, Kyungsoo. How did he just let go of Kyungsoo so easily?

There's probably no chance of getting back together with Kyungsoo for many reasons. He probably doesn't have mushroom hair anymore, and he might have a boyfriend that treats him better than Baekhyun ever treated him. Not to mention, Kyungsoo probably hates him after Baekhyun continuously ignored all his messages.

But he doesn't know all that. He's not a hundred percent sure. There might be a smidge of hope that Kyungsoo loves him, still loves him. They were each other’s first everything and first loves are forever, right?

Wrong. Baekhyun doesn't even get to say hi to Kyungsoo before the latter starts avoiding him. Curse Baekhyun, he must have had left his schedule hanging around and Kyungsoo used that to avoid him.

It's a miracle they roomed together in the first place. When Baekhyun transferred to Kyungsoo’s university, he had some of the best grades so he got accepted with ease and made sure every order of his comes through.

Baekhyun takes advantage of that and demands a room with none other than Do Kyungsoo so it's easier to fix things between them.

Baekhyun comes back from class early to finally see Kyungsoo. His heart is racing and he's overwhelmed because Kyungsoo is right there, so close to him. Months of imagining what Kyungsoo could look like don't even prepare him for the real thing. But one thing’s for sure, Kyungsoo is still as beautiful as he was when Baekhyun left, even more so.

His hair isn't floppy, it's cropped and he wears contacts now. His build isn't as small as it was when they were in high school and Baekhyun thinks Kyungsoo looks really…...hot? Don't get Baekhyun wrong, Kyungsoo has always been attractive but of course things changed about him.

It looks like he's searching for something and it's completely adorable, seeing how Kyungsoo looks so different but still the same.

The scrunch of his face is still the same and he's flipping all the pillows in his room and raking through their laundry basket, not able to find something.

Baekhyun’s eyes perk up at the sight of blue underwear, dulled down from years of washing. He knows exactly what Kyungsoo's looking for so he snatches it and says, “Looking for something?”

At that, Kyungsoo turns around so fast Baekhyun can feel a whiplash. Baekhyun's favourite hobby is teasing Kyungsoo, and tease he does. He swings around the underwear until Kyungsoo’s marching over to him, scowl on his face and snatching it away from his hands.

They reunite like that and Baekhyun wishes it went different. He wishes he went up to Kyungsoo and hugged him from behind, holding him tight as he whispers to him how sorry he was. He doesn't need Kyungsoo to accept his apology, just wants him to know it's there and that's he’ll probably always love him.

Kyungsoo's ready to leave already and Baekhyun deflates, wanting to spend more time with the person he wants to be with.

The next time they see each other, Kyungsoo’s at home and he's wearing his specs. Baekhyun missed them and he's glad he gets to see them on Kyungsoo one more.

For a moment, the atmosphere is playful, kinda like how it always was in highschool. But then, Baekhyun sees that Kyungsoo probably thought he did something wrong, because the silence is deafening and wow, this would be a perfect time to apologise to Kyungsoo. The apology never comes.

Why is he such a fucking coward?

Being roommates with Kyungsoo is everything he’s imagined it would be like and at the same time, is completely different. Kyungsoo is tidy, he cooks and he buys a lot of scented candles. He still listens to the same R&B artists he would listen to in high school, but at such a low volume, he's probably afraid of disturbing Baekhyun.

(Baekhyun manages to catch Kyungsoo raising the volume when his favorite part comes on every single time. He finds it cute how Kyungsoo would just silently jam and then turn it back down.)

Baekhyun used to believe they would blast their music together, belt out note after note, making their own impromptu concert every night.

Funny how life plays out. 

Baekhyun goes to their campus’ coffee shop and just as he enters, he goes back out. The first thing he sees is Kyungsoo with someone much taller than Kyungsoo. He's also a lot taller than Baekhyun and Kyungsoo seems to be laughing at everything he's saying.

He stands there in shock, stomach sinking, because this could be the boyfriend that treats Kyungsoo better than him that Baekhyun is dreading. His chest hurts because Kyungsoo probably hates him and loves this guy more than him. Kyungsoo probably talks to this guy about how his new roommate is his shitty ex from high school, how much better of a boyfriend this guy is than Baekhyun and everything just hurts.

He suddenly isn't able to breathe so he looks down and fucking regrets it a second too late.

They're fucking playing footsie.

Baekhyun, too, decides to play footsie with the floor and steps the fuck out of the coffee shop.

(Baekhyun is relieved and promptly thanks every god out there when he sees a questionnaire Kyungsoo is filling. Kyungsoo has ticked the box that's next to single.)

Months of paying attention to Kyungsoo has Baekhyun memorising what each body language of his means. When Kyungsoo’s starching his ears as he talks, he's probably nervous about something. When he runs his fingers through his hair, he's probably excited and looking forward to an event. And when he breathes hard looks down at Baekhyun, eyes lidded, he probably really wants to kiss Baekhyun.

Baekhyun is a fairly simple person, he asks Kyungsoo, “Do you want to kiss me?” And he gets the answer he wants. Kyungsoo breathes out a yes, and suddenly, Baekhyun’s all over him.

Touching and feeling Kyungsoo everywhere he can because he's been wanting to do this ever since he's laid eyes on Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo must be feeling the same because his arms are scrambling for purchase and he's gasping against Baekhyun's lips.

When Kyungsoo ends up on his lap, Baekhyun holds on to Kyungsoo tighter, hands squeezing his pleasantly thick thighs harder because God, Baekhyun's missed the feeling of Kyungsoo’s weight on him, the feeling of Kyungsoo's tongue licking into his lips — he can't help but groan into Kyungsoo’s compliant open mouth.

Kyungsoo isn't holding back on his noises either and when Baekhyun latches his lips to Kyungsoo’s neck, the mantra of his name doesn't stop spilling from Kyungsoo's lips.

He takes one look at Kyungsoo, eyes bleary and hair disheveled and says, “Stay with me.”

Baekhyun is happy Kyungsoo doesn't put up much of a fight and instead happily crawls into bed with him.

That night, Baekhyun doesn't sleep. Baekhyun holds Kyungsoo as his breath evens out into that of a sleep riddled rhythm and Baekhyun continues to stare at him. Don't judge him, Baekhyun missed doing this. It's his favourite pastime.

Baekhyun remembers a time when they were in highschool, some asshole kissed Kyungsoo even when it wasn't part of the play. Baekhyun had gotten mad and threatened to punch the guy but Kyungsoo had told him it wasn't a big deal.

Baekhyun leans in super close to Kyungsoo and stops just shy of his lips. He wonders when he became such a hypocrite.

Baekhyun knows Kyungsoo still likes him, maybe even loves him and he curses himself for straying from his original mission. He wanted to apologise to Kyungsoo the first time he saw him but that didn't happen.

It's not too late. Baekhyun can still talk to Kyungsoo and they can go back to being the gross couple they were in high school.

 

Things are simple to Baekhyun. If two people like each other they should date. Kyungsoo likes Baekhyun and Baekhyun likes Kyungsoo. They should date.

Baekhyun doesn't understand why Kyungsoo’s being so pissy about the whole thing when it's obvious he likes him back. So, he voices his thoughts, “Why are you being so pissy about this?” 

Baekhyun gets his answer in the long sentences Kyungsoo throws his way. He doesn't hear anything except for Kyungsoo saying that things are never going back to the way they were.

Kyungsoo’s words feel like a spear lunged to his chest and for a few seconds, Baekhyun doesn't feel anything. And then it's a wrenching pain in the pits of his guts. 

 

He's thought about Kyungsoo rejecting him quite a lot but nothing could ever prepare him for the real life thing. He feels angry at himself for not talking to Kyungsoo earlier and angrier at the fact that he even left in the first place.

When Baekhyun responds, it's fast and he isn't really thinking when he says, “Where did you get the idea that I wanted things to go back to the way they were?” 

He spews out some more bull just for closure and then, Kyungsoo’s eyes are wide. Wider than when Baekhyun playfully took his glasses and hid them, wider than when he saw his favourite actor strip on TV and wider than Baekhyun’s ever seen them.

Not only that, but they're glassy and oh, fuck, Baekhyun just made Kyungsoo cry and this is not what was supposed to happen.

Kyungsoo says a few more things and Baekhyun sees that he's having difficulty talking and it's all his fault. He made Kyungsoo cry and he needs to fix this.

When Baekhyun approaches Kyungsoo to wipe away his tears, Kyungsoo doesn't slap his hand away but him recoiling is enough words for Baekhyun to understand.

God, why is Baekhyun such a fuck up?

Then Kyungsoo’s walking past him, to the door where he leaves.

Spring break starts and everyone starts going home.

Kyungsoo doesn't come back to their dorm.

\---

Baekhyun finds himself in a stuffy metro train. He's cold and there's a guy breathing down his neck and he just wants to go home.

By home, he means Kyungsoo’s arms, thank you very much.

Baekhyun kicks himself in the head and curses his blabber mouth. If he hadn't said all these mean things to Kyungsoo he would probably be at home now, but nope, he's on his way to his hometown.

(This time, he doesn't mean Kyungsoo’s body — he means his actual hometown, the one where he grew up.)

Thankfully, his hometown isn't very far away from their university and the guy breathing down his neck has left already.

Baekhyun doesn't even know why he's doing this. Kyungsoo probably hates him and doesn't want to see him. Baekhyun thought that there would a slight chance of them getting back together but after everything he said, he's sure Kyungsoo wouldn't even spare him a glance. Who could blame him? Baekhyun sighs, he's probably the biggest asshole in the planet.

Baekhyun shrinks into his coat a bit more. Winter is gone but the chill is still there and it made a home in the train.

Where should he start with looking for Kyungsoo? Should he go over to his house? Baekhyun shudders at the thought of that.

Going to Kyungsoo’s house could end up bad in many ways. One of them being Kyungsoo slamming the door in his face and demanding he goes away or he'll call the cops. Another is Kyungsoo's mother going complete auntie mode on him while while squeezing his cheeks his and saying, “Oh, look how much you've grown!”

Baekhyun doesn't know which is worse.

Him and Kyungsoo would always hang around this one park after school and he would probably pass it on the way to Kyungsoo's house, so it would be best to start there.

He's at least grateful he has somewhere to start. if Kyungsoo hadn't briefly mentioned he'll be heading back home for spring break, then Baekhyun would probably still be in school by now, searching every wing of the school.

By the time he finishes thinking about everything, the train comes to a stop and he steps off the train, leaving the train station.

Their small town hasn't changed a bit. It isn't anything like the city their university is in — there aren't any tall, tall skyscrapers looming over Baekhyun and dwarfing him here and he welcomes it, basks in the change that seems uncommon in this day and age.

Baekhyun also thankful their small town is, well, small. The journey to Kyungsoo’s humble abode isn't difficult, on the contrary. He doesn't even feel the 24 minute walk as he's looking around, noticing the slight changes. The place with the sweet old lady that used to sell them the spicy rice cakes is gone and he shudders at the thought of why it could be gone.

 

He isn't planning on staying here for long so he only grabs a night’s change of clothes, in case things go incredibly and unrealistically well with him and Kyungsoo. (He's mentally winking, if you catch his drift.)

By the time he reaches the park, the sky has dressed itself in a robe of amethyst and wore a crown of rubies, it's so soft, glowy and beautiful — everything Kyungsoo is. 

Baekhyun promptly fist pumps the air when he sees Kyungsoo on the swing, his legs letting the wind do all the work as he lightly sways.

Baekhyun sees that Kyungsoo is wearing a light sweater and his heart aches at Kyungsoo being cold and he can't have that happen. My poor baby, Baekhyun thinks.

Baekhyun sets his bag and by the time it lands on the ground with a low thud, his coat is off and he's standing behind Kyungsoo, hands trembling. 

Baekhyun sees Kyungsoo’s body is shivering and he's curling upon himself. He thinks this is the perfect opportunity to start the conversation, so  
he wraps his coat around Kyungsoo and settles on the swing next to him.

“Jesus Christ, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo breathes out, “you scared me.”

Baekhyun looks down, suddenly scared of meeting Kyungsoo’s eyes so he sheepishly smiles at the ground instead.

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun’s glad to see Kyungsoo’s burrowing into his coat, obviously appreciating the warmth.

“Do you remember the first time we came here?” Baekhyun's voice is shaky and Kyungsoo snaps his head away at that.

“My hands were so sweaty, I was surprised you actually continued to hold them,” Baekhyun proceeds to take Kyungsoo’s hand and wraps his fingers around it.

“Baekhyun…” Kyungsoo starts but Baekhyun doesn't let him finish. “Soo, just, please. Let me continue.”

Baekhyun gives him throws a tight lipped smile his way and strokes Kyungsoo’s palm with his thumb. “We bought the rice cakes from that old lady and God, i don't even wanna think about what happened to her,” Baekhyun ends his statement with a light hearted chuckle.

“You sat there and I was behind you. I pushed you around a bit and you said it felt like you could fly,” Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo thinks he could probably drown in the depth of his eyes and how genuine they look. “You make me feel like that all the time, Soo. I feel like I could do anything when I'm with you.”

“Loving you is great. Forget—” Baekhyun’s cut off with a shaky breath and it's not even possible but Kyungsoo thinks his voice sounds wet? “Forget what I said earlier. I was just angry and you know how I lash out. I should really fix that about myself.” Baekhyun laughs but it's small and almost vulnerable, not the usual boisterous cackles.

“But before that, I wanna fix things with you. I love you, Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun raises their interlaced hands and presses an unsteady kiss to Kyungsoo’s knuckles.

“I understand if you hate me,” Baekhyun looks down then, eyes meeting with the ground once again, “But just know that I'll probably love you forever. Not even probably. I'm sure I'll love you forever.”

Baekhyun stays stroking Kyungsoo’s hand but when the silence stretches far too long. His chest stomach starts to sink slowly. This silence is Kyungsoo’s answer and, damn, it hurts way more than he imagined.

 

Baekhyun slowly lets go of Kyungsoo’s hand.

“I— I have a train to catch.” Baekhyun swallows deeply and Kyungsoo could see his eyes are glassy. “You don't have to worry about the whole roommates thing. I'll probably be rooming with someone else by the time you come back.”

Baekhyun turns around and he's ready to walk away and just cry the whole train ride home. He doesn't even deserve to cry. He completely understands why Kyungsoo would reject him. He did things that were much worse but it still hurts.

Just as he wants to throw a “see you around” Kyungsoo’s talking and it has Baekhyun freezing up, rooted in the spot he's in.

“Why'd you leave?” Is all he asks and Baekhyun’s glad he can give him the answer to that question.

“Choosing what subjects to take and majors — that whole thing was tough for me. Probably the hardest thing I've done in my life so far.”

Kyungsoo still doesn't look at him but he's listening. Baekhyun's sure he's listening. 

“As you know, I didn't know what i wanted to do.” Kyungsoo nods at that, just to confirm to Baekhyun that he's actually paying attention.

“For some reason, ol’ high school me thought that if I chose biochemistry, you'd be disappointed in me. If I chose music, then you'd be ashamed of having a failed musician be your boyfriend.”

“I could deal with anger. I could deal with hatred but disappointment? It's the worst feeling in my opinion. I didn't want you to feeling that way about me.” 

Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo and smiles but it holds no mirth. “So I just packed my bags and left.” 

“Now that I think about it, I shouldn't have done all this.” Baekhyun swings his arm around and he's wearing that type of smile that Kyungsoo's starting to hate. “I should've listened to you when you said you'll love and support me no matter what I do.” 

And then he's turning on his heel, grabbing his bag and saying something about “You can keep the coat.”

Kyungsoo can't let him walk away like that.

These four years, he can't pretend they never happened. But what they can do is build a bridge and work things out. It won't be easy but it can work.

“Baekhyun,” and Kyungsoo is sprinting towards Baekhyun, not letting him take one more step.

Baekhyun turns around at the sound of his name and definitely was not not expecting an armful of Kyungsoo tugging him close.

His eyes are wide and when Kyungsoo’s lips are on his, the tears in his eyes fall. Because Kyungsoo, his dear floppy hair Do Kyungsoo, loves him back and they can work everything out together.

It's inappropriate to not respond to Kyungsoo, so Baekhyun’s grabbing Kyungsoo closer with the collar of his coat, so their bodies are flush against each other.

Kissing Kyungsoo has never felt this good because this — this is a promise to a future they can hold together. This could be the starting words of the many chapters in their lives and Baekhyun couldn't be any happier to lick into Kyungsoo’s mouth.

“You are such an idiot, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo pants against his lips. “A crybaby idiot, apparently.” Kyungsoo’s fingers are wiping away at his tears and Baekhyun resists the urge to kiss him once more.

\---

 

The walk to Kyungsoo’s home is torturous. They can't keep their hands off of each other and Baekhyun whines in protest every time Kyungsoo moves his head away in response to Baekhyun trying to kiss him.

When they reach Kyungsoo's home, Baekhyun is glad there's no auntie in the vicinity. “They're gonna be gone for two days. They have a funeral to attend.” Kyungsoo explains and Baekhyun hopes it isn't that old lady’s funeral.

Baekhyun’s lips are already on Kyungsoo's neck when he speaks, “We should keep ourselves busy, then.”

\---

Kyungsoo’s whimpers filter through the room and the obscene sounds of Baekhyun’s fingers inside him are raucous under the dim light of Kyungsoo’s room.

“You ready?” Baekhyun breathes out, voice hoarse, tongue thick and dry. No matter how many times he sees it, he'll probably never get bored of seeing Kyungsoo like this — pretty blush on his cheeks and lips a shade of red that rival the roses Baekhyun gave him the night of their prom. Even if Kyungsoo’s back is to him, he's pretty much memorised the sight of Kyungsoo in bed. It leaves Baekhyun breathing hard, seeing Kyungsoo all spread out and compliant for him and Baekhyun absolutely devours it.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo answers him, quiet enough to disguise the trembling in his throat. Baekhyun presses a quick peck to the back of Kyungsoo's neck, and trails kisses down his back, tongue drawing out their names on his spine. It's just a form of mental prep for Kyungsoo, a heads up on what's about to come next.

He pushes a leg between Kyungsoo, whose legs seem to have snapped shut as a form of reaction to Baekhyun’s ministrations. (Baekhyun smiles at that.) He's pushing in at just the right angle and then, he's sliding in with the ease of an old lover — because that's exactly what he is, an old lover.

Baekhyun gives him time to get used to the stretch before slowly, he starts rutting his hips. He doesn't feel anything except the warmth and the wetness, the rippling shivers of Kyungsoo's body.

It seems like Baekhyun's still got Kyungsoo’s body memorised because, the next thrust has Kyungsoo’s arms giving out and soon, his upper body is hitting the bed with a low thud, face first into the pillows and it causes Kyungsoo’s hips to tilt upwards.

Baekhyun grabs Kyungsoo’s hips and when he senses Kyungsoo getting more and more comfortable with the intrusion, he thrusts with more force. It leaves Kyungsoo breathing out shallow and when Baekhyun picks up his pace, Kyungsoo moans out something that sounds a lot like Baekhyun's name.

“The first time we did it was here too,” Baekhyun pants out, hips slamming up. Each thrust of his is accentuated with the need of being one with Kyungsoo, wanting to make up for everything they couldn't do in the last 4 years.

“You were so gentle. After that, it was all quickies in the bathroom,” Kyungsoo answers, his voice is strained and he's breathing pretty hard. It doesn't stop him from releasing a small chuckle, though.

Baekhyun’s hands that were gripping Kyungsoo’s hips are suddenly scratching his back, nails raking upwards until he’s threading his fingers in Kyungsoo's hair.

Baekhyun waits for any sort of negative reaction but he gets none. He proceeds with caution until he gets a green sign in the form of Kyungsoo straining his neck backwards to feel more of Baekhyun’s fingers. And then, Baekhyun is pulling. Hard.

It leaves Kyungsoo crying out, sheets twisting and wrinkling under his hands. The strength of Baekhyun's pull has Kyungsoo standing upright on his knees, back flush against Baekhyun's chest.

“You loved it, though,” Baekhyun whispers, breath tickling his ear. Baekhyun emphasises his sentence with a rather rough slam of his hips and it leaves Kyungsoo gasping, vibrations running up and down through his body. 

It's glorious, hearing the sounds Kyungsoo’s making, and it has Baekhyun fucking into Kyungsoo hard without meaning to. It leaves Kyungsoo spilling out a string after string of profanities. Baekhyun decides to increase his pace until he's slamming into Kyungsoo repeatedly, trying to make Kyungsoo memorise the feeling of having Baekhyun in him. 

 

Baekhyun doesn’t need to try, Kyungsoo’s already burning the way Baekhyun’s making him feel in the back of mind. 

 

Kyungsoo doesn't hold back on his moans, his fingers are twitching, desperately trying to find purchase. They find Baekhyun’s forearms, Baekhyun’s hands forming a tight grip on his waist and Kyungsoo squeezes them, head falling back against Baekhyun's shoulder.

This angle has Baekhyun completely buried in him and it leaves Kyungsoo with stars in his eyes, each snap of Baekhyun’s hips never failing to steal desperate pants from him. “S—So good,” he breathes out and it's a thing of rugged breath and desperation. 

 

Kyungsoo feels Baekhyun pushing him forward until he’s lying face down on the mattress. He wants to turn and ask Baekhyun, “What the fuck was that?” but then, Baekhyun’s hands are on his waist again, turning him over.

 

The sight has Kyungsoo clenching around Baekhyun because, Baekhyun looks like a fucking mess but he’s so perfect. Before Kyungsoo can do anything, Baekhyun is leaning down, panting against his lips as he says, “I want to see you come.” Baekhyun presses his thumbs into hipbones and drives slow, Kyungsoo’s being moan the greatest reward.

 

Baekhyun leans back and admires his handy work. Kyungsoo looks absolutely debauched, head thrown back, his throat an angular thing, collarbone casting shadows and god, Kyungsoo’s so beautiful. Kyungsoo makes a low sound and its deep and long, trying to catch the orgasm Baekhyun is dangling out of his reach. 

 

Baekhyun is starting to lose that pace he created in the beginning and it looks like he doesn’t manage to keep his plans of composure because next, he’s looking down at Kyungsoo and the affection is overwhelming. He can’t help it when he says, “Kyungsoo,” Kyungsoo eyes flutter open and he’s panting so hard, “I love you, Kyungsoo.”

 

At that, Kyungsoo comes untouched. He arches off the bed, head into his pillow like he wants to vanish into it with a long, drawn out moan of Baekhyun’s name. Baekhyun comes right after him, hips stuttering with Kyungsoo’s name on his lips.

 

Baekhyun collapses next to Kyungsoo and it takes some time for them to gain back their composure. Kyungsoo breaks the silence when he says, “Do you wanna go get some rice cakes later?” Baekhyun doesn’t hold back on his smile when Kyungsoo continues. “Just for old time’s sake.”

 

And then Baekhyun’s face is suddenly going blank. Kyungsoo scowls in confusion and when Baekhyun looks at him questioningly, everything clicks with Kyungsoo. 

 

Kyungsoo exasperatedly says with a roll of his eyes, “She’s not dead, Baekhyun. She just switched locations.”

 

“Switched locations? Kinda like us?” Baekhyun’s grinning and he’s bringing Kyungsoo closer to him, face burrowing into the juncture between Kyungsoo’s shoulder and neck. 

 

“That doesn’t even make sense.” His words have no bite and he’s just getting comfortable between Baekhyun's arms. 

 

“Because, you know, I switched locations when I went to Japan.” 

 

At that, Kyungsoo kicks Baekhyun hard. He relishes in the small “Ouch, Kyungsoo. That hurt!” and he’s saying, “Just, go to sleep.” 

 

Baekhyun listens to Kyungsoo and he does go to sleep because he knows he got Kyungsoo now and he feels like a feather, light and wavering in the air, reluctant to fall back down after such a height.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! please remember to comment here or on the livejournal mirror!


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